Mafia Couture

Virginia Hill definitely had a hand in it. Debra Gravano, perhaps. And Carmella Soprano? She brought it to us on a weekly basis. That's right, ladies, I'm talking about Mafia Couture.

Say anything you want about Mafia ladies, you can't deny they've got STYLE. Perfectly coiffed, faces expertly caked with makeup, sparkling bling, designer dudes. These women craft and maintain an impeccable image. While they can look tacky, at least they take care of themselves. Mafia ladies, or any well-to-do guidette from New Jersey (or its affiliate areas), generally look like a million bucks. They epitomize glamour and high maintenance perfection, not to mention they excite us with their close association with dangerous mobsters.

"The Real Housewives of New Jersey" is one of the best of the television phenomenon, coming second only to the New York series. You have Caroline, Dina, Jacqueline, Teresa, and Danielle. The first two are definitely mobbed up, despite their protestations. Their father-in-law was executed in a mob hit! Teresa carries thousands of dollars, COLD HARD CASH, on her person at all times and her husband has a "construction business." Yeah, sure. Danielle was involved with a corrupt cop and was a major figure in a book written about said cop. All five women live in massive homes of marble, onyx, and crystal. And lest we forget Caroline's reference to "the family" every ten seconds.

Regardless, they're all fabulous and highly comical. Teresa and Dina are my favorites, the former flaunting her wealth at every turn, as well as a tight, tanned body she claims is completely natural. This Mafia Queen doesn't work for what she's got, it's just perfect as is. She does, however, possess a chest as flat as a pancake. This calls for a visit to the ps and a new set of "bubbies." Dina, the only blue-eyed blonde, seems to be the most down-to-earth, friendly one of the bunch. She is devoted to her daughter, as well as a children's charity she works on tirelessly (I'm a facebook fan of both these women. Teresa updates constantly with daughter Gia's modeling assignments, while Dina asks for donations and attendees for her charity events).

They may be superficial, tacky, and oftentimes belligerent, but they are hella fun to watch. Mafia Couture to the extreme.

If you want to look like these women, here are some ideas:

* You must always take great pains with your makeup. Eye makeup especially should be heavy.

* You gotta get your nails done. You have two options. You can either go the goomar route and have colored, or otherwise flamboyant nails, or you can emulate a mafia wife with a basic french, or lighter hued nails. Whichever you choose, your nails MUST be long. Longer than necessary.

* Go to the salon. Hair must be big! Either piled on top your head or voluminous around your shoulders. Some blonde highlights won't hurt. For the dedicated, a perm may be in order.

* You must be tan. Any self-respecting mob girl is tan. Even if she has naturally dark skin, she goes to the tanning bed. Or applies tanning lotion at home.

* Wear your finest bling. Have a few sparklies on both hands. Big earrings.

* Dress well. If you can't afford Versace, you can still look like a high roller.

There you have it. Throw in some wine, antipasto, and a man in a track suit. You'll be singing "Mambo Italiano" in your sleep!


The Gilded Aesthetic : Mafia Couture

The Gilded Aesthetic

Monday, January 4, 2010

Mafia Couture

Virginia Hill definitely had a hand in it. Debra Gravano, perhaps. And Carmella Soprano? She brought it to us on a weekly basis. That's right, ladies, I'm talking about Mafia Couture.

Say anything you want about Mafia ladies, you can't deny they've got STYLE. Perfectly coiffed, faces expertly caked with makeup, sparkling bling, designer dudes. These women craft and maintain an impeccable image. While they can look tacky, at least they take care of themselves. Mafia ladies, or any well-to-do guidette from New Jersey (or its affiliate areas), generally look like a million bucks. They epitomize glamour and high maintenance perfection, not to mention they excite us with their close association with dangerous mobsters.

"The Real Housewives of New Jersey" is one of the best of the television phenomenon, coming second only to the New York series. You have Caroline, Dina, Jacqueline, Teresa, and Danielle. The first two are definitely mobbed up, despite their protestations. Their father-in-law was executed in a mob hit! Teresa carries thousands of dollars, COLD HARD CASH, on her person at all times and her husband has a "construction business." Yeah, sure. Danielle was involved with a corrupt cop and was a major figure in a book written about said cop. All five women live in massive homes of marble, onyx, and crystal. And lest we forget Caroline's reference to "the family" every ten seconds.

Regardless, they're all fabulous and highly comical. Teresa and Dina are my favorites, the former flaunting her wealth at every turn, as well as a tight, tanned body she claims is completely natural. This Mafia Queen doesn't work for what she's got, it's just perfect as is. She does, however, possess a chest as flat as a pancake. This calls for a visit to the ps and a new set of "bubbies." Dina, the only blue-eyed blonde, seems to be the most down-to-earth, friendly one of the bunch. She is devoted to her daughter, as well as a children's charity she works on tirelessly (I'm a facebook fan of both these women. Teresa updates constantly with daughter Gia's modeling assignments, while Dina asks for donations and attendees for her charity events).

They may be superficial, tacky, and oftentimes belligerent, but they are hella fun to watch. Mafia Couture to the extreme.

If you want to look like these women, here are some ideas:

* You must always take great pains with your makeup. Eye makeup especially should be heavy.

* You gotta get your nails done. You have two options. You can either go the goomar route and have colored, or otherwise flamboyant nails, or you can emulate a mafia wife with a basic french, or lighter hued nails. Whichever you choose, your nails MUST be long. Longer than necessary.

* Go to the salon. Hair must be big! Either piled on top your head or voluminous around your shoulders. Some blonde highlights won't hurt. For the dedicated, a perm may be in order.

* You must be tan. Any self-respecting mob girl is tan. Even if she has naturally dark skin, she goes to the tanning bed. Or applies tanning lotion at home.

* Wear your finest bling. Have a few sparklies on both hands. Big earrings.

* Dress well. If you can't afford Versace, you can still look like a high roller.

There you have it. Throw in some wine, antipasto, and a man in a track suit. You'll be singing "Mambo Italiano" in your sleep!


1 Comments:

  • At January 4, 2010 at 3:20 PM , Blogger JO said...

    Hahaha, this cracks me up. Maybe I'll start dressing like a gumar for a week or two and see how I feel.

    Johanna

     

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